Silliness for Sanity

An e-mail I sent to a friend late last night, as I was "writing my research paper." This is what a budding English student does to procrastinate when said English student has a research paper to write. :D I also forwarded it to my English teacher, so that she could see what a hard-working individual I was.



I want to call you and waste hours and hours talking to you (with many long awkward pauses) and not doing my research paper. . .

I want to go to the park and sit by the lake and ponder life and not do my research paper. . . .

I want to write poetry and journal and not write my research paper. . . .

I want to be scandalous and come sit on your front porch and make spooky noises that distract you from studying, while avoiding doing my research paper. . .

I want to eat ice cream and throw the document "research paper" away in my computer recycle bin forever. . .

I want to sleep. . .

I'm going outside to do my work on the trampoline. Surely, surely, that will help me to focus. I wonder if I can jump and write at the same time?

Hey, do you want to hang out this weekend? Because you see, this weekend, I have blocked off for writing a research paper. And you see, this weekend, I need an excuse to not work on that paper. :D *hint, hint*

You should call me and distract me from my research paper.

No you shouldn't. 'Twould be bad of you.

I'm such a baby.

If I keep writing, maybe I can turn this in instead of my paper.

Okay I should go now.

Talk to you later.

Or maybe sooner.

Toodles,
Becky

Writing Poetry

Wow - I didn't know that I could write poetry.

The other day I was sitting at the park, in my car. I often do that, in between activities throughout a busy day. I just drive to the park and sit in my car and look out the windshield at the beauty of nature. When the weather is nice, I subject myself to bugs, damp grass, and rough tree bark against my back.

Anyways, I was thinking a lot, and very emotional/upset about some things. And I decided that maybe I should write them out. But my usual journaling just wasn't cutting it. So I thought, "Hey! Why not give poetry a try!" Going over poetry in class has helped me realize that poetry is very much written for the author. While rhyming and tone and symbol and imagery are all important and wonderful things in poetry - there's also a point at which nearly anything can be poetry. Naturally, these "anything" poems aren't going to be published, or read by the multitudes like the amazing poems in my Comp II textbook. But they still count as poetry. :)

I wrote 3 poems that day. I wrote one yesterday. It was an interesting and enlightening experience.

One thing it made me wonder is how much poets put into rewriting and revising their poems. I mean, because what I wrote is just my raw thoughts, written in lines that somewhat go together, I can't imagine going back through and revising or editing it. I mean, I wouldn't be feeling the same things - how would I be able to remember what I was wanting to say or convey, and how would I make it say it better if I was no longer feeling that way?

Does that make any sense? No? Oh well, it's poetry, so it doesn't have to!

"When I consider how my light is spent" - John Milton

When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide;
"Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or His own gifts. Who best
Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."

"We Wear the Mask" - Paul Laurence Dunbar

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

"Living in Sin" - Adrienne Rich

This is doubling as a "reading assignment" and "class thoughts" entry. Namely, because I loved our class discussion on this poem. And, I loved this poem. There was very vivid imagery, which always makes it interesting, and it was fairly easy to understand what was going on. My favorite thing though, was that there are two equally probable interpretations of the situation that I can see, and I can't decide which I prefer. :)

The first would be that author is a young married woman, who has been disappointed that the early passion of love has burned away. "She had thought that the studio would keep itself;/ no dust upon the furniture of love." It's almost sad to read from that view-point. One would hope that, in a marriage, there is more to be found than simply infatuation and the feeling of love. And yet, there is also some hope, at the end of the poem: ". . .she woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming/like a relentless milkman up the stairs." While relentless has negative conotations, I think that it can be intepreted to show the fact that this marriage is going to be with her every day from here on out. And that, while that can be somewhat depressing for someone no longer "in love," the daylight will come and her and her husband will grow into a more mature, healthy relationship, based on things besides the passionate, early love they shared.

The second would go along more with the title - that the author is having an affair and does not feel fulfilled by it. "Half heresy to wish . . . the panes relieved of grime." The secretive nature of this affair is also what dirties it. However, reality is still there. While the nights may be full of love, the day always comes and she is left doing all the ordinary things of life. "By evening she was back in love again. . ." - however, the ending (when looked at from this perspective) seems to present the possibility of her leaving behind this "living in sin." The relentless daylight could perhaps symbolize reality, and the fact that one of these days, she is going to have to face up to what she's doing, and remove herself from the passionate pleasures of this affair.

So yeah - that wasn't nearly as organized as I had thought it out last night when I couldn't get to sleep. But close enough.

Poetry, Facebook Style

Many of the poems we are reading don't have any discussion questions along with them. So I'm just going to give a brief "like" or "dislike" for each, as well as several quick comments.

"Theme for English B" - Langston Hughes
LIKE

"Dulce et Decorum Est" - Wilfred Owen
LIKE: Somehow, this poem would not get near to capturing the same emotions if it were prose. The poet essentially criticizes the reader (or at least, a reader who is not in his same situation), and yet does so in such a round-about way that the reader doesn't feel offended in the least, but rather is inclined to agree with him - it's positive genius.

"This is Just to Say" - William Carlos Williams
ummmmmm. No comment

"Silence" - Marianne Moore
LIKE: "The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence; not in silence, but in restraint."

"Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town" - E.E. Cummings
STRONGLY DISLIKE: Maybe I just missed something, but this poem seemed to be absolute nonsense. It made me feel rather hostile towards poetry in general. :) I refuse to answer the questions about it, because I honestly can't. It made no sense to me. At all.

"Southeast Corner" - Gwendolyn Brooks
NO OPINION: Fortune could mean her accumulated wealth, or her luck, or fate perhaps. It's kind of an odd poem - but it wasn't absolute nonsense like the one before it.

"In a Station of the Metro" - Ezra Pound
LIKE: This is my kind of poetry. Simple, yet powerful. It makes your mind go all sorts of places beyond the poem, and yet is clear enough to understand.

"The Piercing Chill I Feel" - Taniguchi Buson
DISLIKE: I'm not a big fan of haikus, but I like what the analysis after the poem said, explaining the symbols.

"The Winter Evening Settles Down" - T.S. Eliot
LIKE:
1. Kind of a lonely, desolate feeling. There isn't a lot of hope or joy felt with the words and images he uses. Overall, definitely more negative connotations than positive.
2. I think it's a working-class, meat-industry neighborhood that's very beat up and slum-like. The day ends at 6 o'clock, and the smell of steak in addition to the description of the das as "smoky" indicates some sort of meat/factory combination nearby. The vacant lots, newspapers sweeping around, broken blinds, etc. give the impression of poverty - if not poverty, then certainly not upper-class nobility.

"Root Cellar" - Theodore Roethke
LIKE:
1. He gives very vivid descriptions, and not only visual - the smells and feelings he describes seem very real. It is evident he has experienced it himself.
2. Again, both visual and smell. "roots as ripe as old bait" and "lolling obscenely from mildewed crates"
3. It starts out as pretty gross. But the last two lines show that he thought of it as more than just a gross cellar. It's as if he admires the dirty and disgusting plants, for holding onto life and pressing on despite their circumstances and surroundings. Maybe he too felt trapped, perhaps by the pressure to remain in the family business, and like the plants, searches for chinks of light, clinging to life. Maybe I've been reading too much poetry and it's making me invent meaning that isn't there.

"In the Old Stone Pool" - Matsuo Basho
DISLIKE: It's dumb

"To See a World in a Grain of Sand" - William Blake
LIKE: The imagery is beautiful. In only four lines, he conveys such a vivid picture of earth and heaven. Again, simple words and phrases, to the point, and yet allowing your imagination to go forward to wherever you will.

"Metaphors" - Sylvia Plath
I missed something important in this one, and hope we discuss it in class tomorrow. Somehow, I am entirely unable to make sense of the questions. It seems like just a silly poem, and yet the questions make it sound like there is all sorts of hidden meaning. Hopefully, I am illuminated tomorrow. *Ohhhhhhhh. She's pregnant. I see now. :D

"You Fit Into Me" - Margaret Atwood
YIKES: Okay, so at first thought, I approached this with caution, expecting it to be sexually related. Boy was I surprised. It starts out okay, but suddenly turns weird and absolutely disgusting. Not in a sexual way - but in a nasty, ewwwwww, don't make me think of that because it makes chills run down my back way. So yeah. If she was going for shock and surprise - she wins.

"Recital" - John Updike
LIKE: It was fun to read aloud, and incredibly creative and silly. I enjoy poetry like that.

"The Splendor Falls on Castle Walls" - Alfred, Lord Tennyson
LIKE: I thought it rather beautiful. Definitely one of those poems that is for the ears. Which I enjoy.

"The Panther" - Ogden Nash
LIKE: I laughed when I read "anther." I like these poems, that don't require great thought or in depth analysis. Is it because I'm lazy? Or perhaps I'm just a simple person and not capable of great though. Eh, no matter.

"We Real Cool" - Gwendolyn Brooks.
LIKE: Somewhat odd, but again - fun and interesting rhythm.

"Resume" - Dorothy Parker
LIKE: I don't understand the title, but I really enjoy the irony of it. It's a tragic thing to joke about, and yet shows how someone like me would probably treat it. Afterall, suicide is impractical.

"The Parable of the Good Seed" - Matthew 13:24-30
LIKE: I never thought of this as poetry. I still don't think of this as poetry. The end.

"Grass" - Carl Sandburg

1. They are all places, locations of battles.
2. Well, it must be understood that people died at these places, often in very tragic ways.

"My Last Duchess" - Robert Browning

1. It sounds like he is talking to the servant of a Count, and that the Duke is negotiating a marraige with one of the Count's daughters, since his former wife has passed away.
2. He portrays her as a flirt, someone too friendly with other gentlemen, and even perhaps stubborn, or going against his will. I think that we however, can see that he was just incredibly suspicious, and that she was probably just a kind, generous lady who sought to make those around her feel appreciated.
3. "Who'd stoop to blame/ This sort of trifling? Even if you had skill/ In speech - which I have not - to make your will/Quite clear to such an one, and say 'Just this/ Or that in you disgusts me; here you miss/ Or there exceed the mark" - and if she let/ Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set/ Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse -/ E'en then would be some stooping; and I choose/ Never to stoop.
It sounds like he didn't feel comfortable bringing it up. Or that perhaps, he felt that she would just accuse him of being jealous, and make other such excuses for his opinions. He also seems very haughty, and unwilling to share with her that her behavior makes him feel less a man.
4. It seems as if she died. But maybe it could be that he just sent her away or something. It might - it might give us a better understanding of what involvement the Duke had in her death, or in her leaving his presence. Did his over-bearing suspicions of her cause her death? Were his commands perhaps too much for her to take?
5. Maybe I'm reading into this too much. . . but it's almost as if the Duke likes his wife to be on the wall. . . there, he can be the only one she smiles at, and she doesn't oppose him in any way, doesn't 'cause him jealousy. As they move on to the Duke's next piece of art, Neptune taming a sea horse, he says that this is a rarity, cast in bronze. Something about that struck me - as if the Duke feels the only way he can capture or control things is through still art. Like I said. . . this is reaching. A lot. But it's poetry, so hey!

"Out, Out --" - Robert Frost

1. Sinister: snarled, rattled, leaped out at the boy's hand
Friend: it helped the boy with his work
2. Other workers, possibly adults, maybe his family if it is a family-run operation. They seem somewhat indifferent - perhaps selfish. The poet does not tell us anything about them feeling compassion. The boy is almost seen as simply a business investment, a child who can do an adult-share of work.
3. Just the idea of the boy dying at the end. Theme: To have children doing the work of adults can often result in tragedy, and even if it does not, can cause a child to grow up too fast.
4. Well, it tells a story, and both go chronologically. Frost's is definitely more interesting, easier to follow. It also seems to give a bit more commentary, and opinion of the author. The Sir Spencer poem was organized differently, broken up into smaller verses, which helped us follow it, even though the words weren't the English we're used to.

"Sir Patrick Spence" - traditional Scottish ballad

1. Just good descriptive phrase, but it might foreshadow death, etc.
2. Wow, I have no idea. I don't think the poem gives us enough information about the king for us to determine his motives. It's not long enough, and the focus quickly shifts to Sir Patrick. Unless I missd something, we can't really tell.
3. We feel compassion because of the way the poet reveals their death - first, their apprehension about going in the first place. Then, describing the wome who will wait forever before they see their husbands and Sir Patrick return. While my passion for prose and a good story makes me curious about the shipwreck, I can see that, if the author were to detail it, the entire poem would lose it's mystic poetical charm, and become too realistic and physical.
4. Um, I have no idea. Do the moons tell us something about storms or something? I mean, the phrase is beautiful and adds to the expectation of coming disaster. Things are so peaceful, the moons and such, but we can see that trouble is coming.

"Piano" - D.H. Lawrence

2. Mostly nostalgic, remembering his past and missing it. Also, the feeling that he must let go of being an adult to allow himself to remember. He doesn't really want to get lost in his memories, but they are powerful, and enticing.
3. "in the dusk," "boom of the tingling strings," "tinkling piano," etc.
4. Subject is something along the lines of: "Childhood memories of music"
Theme, something like: "Music makes me remember being a child, and also makes me miss it tremendously."

Class Thoughts VII

So on Thursday, we handed in our essays and then were introduced to what we're going to be doing with poetry the next few weeks. We also got to listen to a short story that was amazing. I normally don't like listening to things, preferring to read them myself. However, in this case it was really neat! I'm not looking forward to poetry at all. I am so in love with prose, I guess I just don't have room in my heart for it. :) However, I shall strive to learn and get somethign out of it anyways.

On to reading some poetry then. . .

Paper Two - Final Draft

Escaping from The Glass Menagerie

When in a tight situation, the instinct is to immediately think escape. Sometimes, permanent escape is the goal. This is what prisoners who launch a jail break, or leaders of a revolution desire – they wish to leave behind forever that which is containing them. Often times, their efforts are successful and they are permanently freed from that particular danger. However, there are many situations in everyday life from which ordinary people which to escape, even if just for a little while. Drug use is a prime example of this – although the “high” of being on a drug may cause one to forget their troubles, this escape is only temporary. Another way some people escape is by writing plays or fiction, and living through the emotions and lives of their characters. Others act on stage or in films, leaving reality behind for a short time by allowing themselves to become engrossed in their make-believe role. Many people go through life in denial, choosing not to think about the things that bind them and, in some cases, pretending they don't even exist. In The Glass Menagerie, the Wingfields are in a somewhat hopeless situation, and they each find different ways to escape from it. Amanda escapes by reliving her past. Laura escapes in the present, to a world apart from others. Tom escapes into dreaming about the future. Each of them meets with varying results and satisfaction, but all use time as their temporary escape. For, as Tom states, “. . .time is the longest distance between two places” (Williams 1025).

Amanda is a typical example of someone who lives in the past. She constantly relives her formative years in the South, and frequently relates to those around her what her courting days in “Blue Mountain,” were like. Tom and Laura's reactions to her make it is obvious that these stories are not new, nor is it unusual for them to be subjected to listening about her many gentlemen callers. It is noted by Williams that there is an image on the screen of “Amanda as a girl on a porch greeting callers” and the stage directions say, “She (Amanda) flounces girlishly toward the kitchenette” – both of these things show that, in her own mind and manner, she is still that attractive young lady from Blue Mountain (974-5). Amanda also has fooled herself into believing that Laura to will experience an onslaught of gentlemen callers, something that is obviously not the case. When she hears that Laura has not been attending business college as she thought, Amanda becomes even more intent upon finding Laura a suitor, reliving her past by trying to replicate the settings of her own courting days. This obsession grows within Amanda, and reaches its climax with the arrival of Jim, the gentleman caller. While he is on the scene, Amanda lives in a strange mix of the past and the present. While she still acts as though she is the young, southern belle that she used to be, even shocking Jim and Tom with her appearance and words, she also firmly believes that Jim is the real answer to their present and future situation. When it is revealed that Jim is not the savior Amanda had been waiting for, she seems to lose all pretense of southern charm. The final remarks she makes to Tom as he storms out of the house are somewhat ironic: “You don't know things anywhere! You live in a dream; you manufacture illusions!” (1024). To say such, when she herself has lived the entire play in the dream and illusion of the past, shows how truly disillusioned she is.

But it is also this incident with the gentleman caller that serves to open Amanda's eyes to the reality of the here and now. As she comforts Laura at the end of the play, the final stage directions tell us that “her silliness is gone, and she has a dignity and tragic beauty” (1024). Rather than closing her eyes the truth she before her, she has learned to accept the fact that Laura is a much different person than she was at that age. She is now ready to stop escaping to the past, and start living in the present and for the future. Although she and Laura live out their lives without Tom, and perhaps without anymore gentlemen callers, they do find that they can cling to each other.

While Amanda spends her time reliving the past, Laura, her daughter, has nothing in the past that is worth reliving. As Tom tells Amanda, she is painfully shy, and has never gotten along with the other young people they know. Laura reminds Jim that she was never noticed, or had many friends when in high school, and admits that hasn't changed much since high school. Now, after dropping out of business college, she has very little hope for her own future. Her simple words “I'm – crippled!” indicate how uncertain she is in herself, and in the prospect of having gentleman callers (980). Although Laura does not escape the bleakness of her life by reliving the past or dreaming of her future, neither does she live in the present as most people do. Rather, she spends her days in a different reality, as she plays her phonograph and takes long walks in the city of St. Louis. There, she frequents the animals at the zoo, and the glass walls of the Jewel Box – however, the bulk of her time is spent at home, where she is occupied by her glass animals, a mere shadow of those real places. When visiting with Jim, her affection and personification of these trinkets is clearly seen. She tells him, “He (the unicorn) stays on a shelf with some horses that don't have horns and all of them seem to get along nicely together” and “I haven't heard any arguments among them!” and “They all like a change of scenery once in a while!” (1017). Her figurines symbolize this world she has created, and they have become her way of hiding from the reality she would otherwise have to live in.

As Williams tells us in the introduction of characters, “. . . Laura's separation increases until she is like a piece of her own glass collection, too exquisitely fragile to move from the shelf” (970). Laura learns to escape by continually retreating into this world – but, as with her glass ornaments, Laura's world is fragile, and easily broken. She seems to return to reality for a moment when she is talking with Jim. As she begins to step out of her insecurities and fears, she starts to hope that Jim may be a real way to escape from her hopeless future. These hopes however, are dashed when Jim tells her of his fiance, and makes it clear that he cannot be a part of Laura's life. When she gives the broken unicorn to Jim as a “souvenir,” she takes a step toward letting go of her world, rather than retreating back into it. And as she blows the candles out in the closing scene, Tom says “. . .anything that can blow your candles out! - for nowadays, the world is lit by lightning!” (1025). She has extinguished her old life and the imagined world she created, and has chosen to face the future, along with the lightning that illuminates it.

In contrast, Tom has always lived for the lightning of the future. He would be more than happy to leave his past behind forever, although the memory of his father casts a shadow on him, much as the painting of his father seems to loom over the entire family. Tom's daily life is also something he wishes to escape from. Working at a shoe factory, he longs for the adventure and freedom he would have if he left his family and responsibilities behind. He tells Amanda that, “For sixty-five dollars a month, I give up all that I dream of doing and being ever!” (983). It is quite evident that he does not wish his future to lie at the warehouse, or with his family. Therefore, he escapes by dreaming about what his future could be. He goes to the movies to watch the adventure of the actors on the screen, for this is the only adventure he gets to experience. He writes poetry and reads books, both of which serve to make him feel temporarily removed from his present situation. And, while Tom does escape into his imagined future in this way, he is also the only character who literally escapes. When he shows Jim his membership in the Merchant Marines, and admits that he failed to pay the light bill this month, his plans for escape are firmly set in motion. As he leaves the house in the very last scene, these words shouted to Amanda tell it all: “All right, I will! The more you shout about my selfishness to me the quicker I'll go, and I won't go to the movies!” (1024). He makes his final escape, through the fire-escape, and in his last monologue, he shares that he never returned to his family. Although it seems that Tom has made a permanent escape from the dreariness of his situation, the opposite is true. For while he has put time and space between himself and his former life, the things of his past remain with him. He did not succeed in truly escaping, and his memories will be there, peering over his shoulder, for the rest of his life.

Whether it be a literal constraint, a physical place, or an emotional or social situation, every person at some time in their life will come to the point of desiring an escape. Escaping to the past will result in lack of forsight, and escaping to a different reality may mean they will never get an opportunity to learn from their past, or to dream about their future. While escaping into dreams about the future or running away from the problem may seem like a permanent solution, they may miss out on chances to solve their problems right now. Rather than escape, that person would be better off facing their challenges head on. They should not run from their problems, as Tom did, but learn to deal with reality as it comes, just as Amanda and Laura finally chose to do. For it is only by taking on the situations of the present that one is able to have hope for a new and different future.

Works Cited
Williams, Tennessee. The Glass Menagerie. Backpack Literature. X.J. Kennedy and Dana Gioia. New York: Pearson Longman, 2008.

"The Glass Menagerie" - Tennessee Williams (Scene 7 and Wrap Up)

28. Symbolizes Tom's letting go of the family, embarrasses Amanda and ruins her "perfect" evening, makes everything a little more intimate in the candlelight
29. He seems so polite and kind, and is very engaging and interested in Laura. He's focused on Laura's comfort and in actually getting to know her.
32. I felt sorry for him - after all, he was so set up. He seemed to be genuinely sorry that he couldn't pursue a relationship with Laura, and it was almost as though he was trying to convince himself that he did love Betty, and was happy with her. When he realized the expectations Amanda had, he did the right thing by making it clear to Laura that he couldn't meet them.
33. Symbolizes Laura herself and the fact that she felt as though she didn't fit in.

36. The Movies: Adventure, Tom's desire to escape into something that was exciting and different from the boring realities of life and hard work
The Paradise Music Hall: A way other people in the society escaped from their troubles, through drinking and sex. Different approaches than any of the Wingfields, but it shows us that really every of that time was looking for escape.
The fire escape: The idea of it being the way out, the escape from the little world inside their apartment. In the play, Tom spends the most time out there, and I can't think of once that Laura is out there.
Laura's leg brace: The handicaps or insecurities that hinder us all. In her case, she allowed it to dominate who she was.
37. When Jim kisses Laura, and we go from hopefulness to total disappointment.
38. I did sympathize with Amanda. She hasn't had the easiest of lives, and hasn't been able to be a mother and father to her children. While she is annoying, suspicious, and nagging towards Tom, we can sense that she truly does value him, beyond the paycheck he brings home. With Laura, especially at the end, we see that she beings to act more as a mother should, and is very comforting toward Laura. Tom is definitely both wrong and right. While almost anyone can sympathize with that feeling of wanting adventure, and to be out on their own, it's also not right to leave those you love alone and uncared for. I wish he could have found a balance, but I suppose that just goes further to indicating the entire hopelessness of society at that time. Laura was also wrong and right - while she never should have allowed her handicap and shyness to overtake her life, and never should have retreated into separation from society, we can definitely understand why she did. Sometimes, being different is too much to bear. I pity her that her circumstances weren't more conducive to becoming a well-rounded, socially adept young lady. But, while circumstances may be the reason for something, they are never an excuse. We can only hope that, after Tom left, she truly did move into reality and begin living as a more normal human being.

"The Glass Menagerie" - Tennessee Williams (Scenes 5 & 6)

20. The first is that Jim doesn't know anything about Laura, doesn't know that he's being set up. The second is that Laura is shy, and that they, her family, have gotten used to it and no longer realize that she really is peculiar.
21. She fully reverts to that childhood girlish self, and she is very excited and anticipative (is that a word?) of their caller, while Laura is scared out of her wits.
22. When she learns who it is, she is even more nervous and scared. Amanda fails to see the significance, and brushes off Laura's shyess.
25. Tom talking about gentlemen callers, Laura mentioning Jim to Amanda in the beginning (foreshadowing), the building toward what could have been a happy ending.
27. I think the gentleman caller seems like a polite, nice guy. In class, Ms. Kolb and the more talkative students all expressed that he was kind of a jerk, really full of himself and such. I guess I didn't get that impression when reading the play. At this point, he just seems to be a nice guy who has been disappointed perhaps by his future, and likes to remember when life was better, and when he was popular and "successful" in highschool. I feel that Tom has become very indifferent and somewhat uncaring about his family.

"The Glass Menagerie" - Tennessee Williams (Scenes 3 & 4)

10. Amanda and Tom start the conflict because of Tom's book, that Amanda has taken away. We get the sense that she has never understood his reading or writing, and that he is pretty bitter about that.
11. See my paper. :)
12. Peacemaker, middleman. She hates having their little world disrupted by argument.
13. To find a gentleman caller for Laura, since Laura literally knows no boys herself.
14. I start to feel more sympathy for Amanda, at least in the reading of the play. Tom comes across as very selfish, and we catch a glimpse of the fact that Amanda truly cares more for Laura's future than for her own. But the movie Amanda was just annoying and made me feel no sympathy for her at all at this point.
15. More calm and peaceful, more openly loving.
16. To Amanda - what could/should have been the life she was in. To Tom - he is resentful, and yet wishes he could also leave the family. It's a threat because it constantly reminds them that Tom too could walk out at any time, leaving them even more empty.
17. Mostly through Tom's monologues.

"The Glass Menagerie" - Tennessee Williams (Scenes 1 & 2)

When I first read this play through, I had a hard time imagining what we'd discuss in class. At face value, it seems to be just a story about the every-day life of a family - nothing extraordinary happens. However, it is in the daily happenings of this family that Williams weaves a story which compels us to keep reading, (or watching). We see that, in these seemingly normal family relationships and happenings, there are multiple things we can learn - about ourselves, and about how we can allow our circumstances to shape our lives.


1. His opening speech gives us the social setting, and an impression of the bleak hopelessness that the people of that time were thinking. We also get the idea that the enter play will be very unrealistic and dream-like, and he describes the gentleman caller as the "reality" or normal one in the play.
2. Tension seems to be caused by Amanda's constant nagging, and Tom's need to defend himself.
3. Amanda finds out that Laura dropped out of school, and this launches her on a campaign to find Laura another means of supporting herself, namely a husband.
4. She declares herself to be crippled, although the stage directions tell us that her handicap should be hardly noticeable. We also hear of her intense shyness, her inability to attend school, and her frequent visits to various places in St. Louis, for hours and hours on end.
5. They indicate the nickname from highschool that Jim, the guy she had a crush on, gave her.
6. I think that she tries to come across as strong, and we do see that she has kept the family together since their father left. Her domination of the lives of her children however, makes us think that she is actually weak, but tries to exert power over them so that she can feel strong.
7. Because we are reading the play, the only thing that shows us his importance to Laura is the fact that she said she liked him in highschool, and that he had a nickname for her. Amanda isn't interested because Jim seems to be in the past - he was engaged, and Laura says that she suspects he's probably married by now. Amanda doesn't care for Laura to dwell on someone who isn't a "prospect," although she herself constantly lives in the past.
8. I honestly didn't really understand the use of transparencies and images, etc. I suppose that might be the type of thing you'd have to actually see to visualize properly. However, I did find that reading a play, with the stage directions and various descriptions of the set, costuming, etc., makes things really interesting, and helps the reader to visualize almost better than if they were watching the play. It's as if reading the words forces you to actually think about the implications and reasons behind things.
9. Yes - although Laura's handicap may be unique, the results of it are not. Everyone has some insecurity that they hide behind, whether it is visible (as was Laura's limp) or not.

Class Thoughts VII

I have been sorely negligent with this journal/blog recently. Unfortunately, not being a "full time" college student has meant that my primary focus is not on school, homework, or anything remotely related to college. However, I would like to force myself to do this, so that I am able to have a little more focus on my remaining 2 literary analysis papers, and 1 research paper. None of which I have started, of course. After all, the primary distinction of college years is procrastination, right?

Class has been good lately. We finished discussing Othello, and wrote our in-class essay. The in-class essay went really well - I wrote like crazy, and finished just before she said "time to wrap it up." After Othello, we moved onto reading and talking about "The Glass Menagerie," a play by Tenessee Williams. I think we spent 2 or 3 classes, breaking into small groups and going over the questions Ms. Kolb gave us.

Then, our past 3 classes have been occupied by watching a film version of the play. Normally, I am not a fan of books being made into movies. However, because a play is truly meant to be visual, I've enjoyed watching this one. The actors did a pretty great job, although their "interpretation" of the characters was a little different from what I had imagined.

During class discussion, Ms. Kolb kept trying to suggest that sympathy for Amanda might be well placed. When we were just discussing and reading it, I definitely found some sympathy in my heart for her. However, the actress in the movie made most of that sympathy disappear. It's okay though - I think I have enough sympathy for the other characters to make up for it.

Next, we are wrapping up "The Glass Menagerie" by writing a literary analysis on it, and then we will be moving onto poetry. I'm not excited about poetry. Ms. Kolb is going to have to make it mighty interesting for me to enjoy it. But that's okay, because school isn't all about enjoyment, right?

"Othello" - William Shakespeare (Act IV)

ACT IV
1. Iago deceives Othello even further, by having him overhear the conversation with Cassio. Also, the handkerchief plays a major role in this act - when Othello sees Bianca give it to Cassio, he becomes quite convinced of Desedemona's infidelity.
2. It is not terribly plausible, but we have to remember that Iago is a master planner. While he may not have planned for that particular event to occur, he set the stage so that, no matter what did occur, things would look questionable to Othello, as he looked on. The handkerchief is very important to the play. To Othello, it represents both the part of his heart his has given to Desdemona, and her own purity and faithfulness to him. She, on the other hand, sees it more as simply a handkerchief, a gift. Iago plays on Othello's stronger attachment to the handkerchief to achieve his ends. It also seems to carry with it some sort of mystical, magic-like connotations for Othello. This only adds to the importance of it in his mind.
3. He is already convinced that she is unfaithful, and I don't believe that much of anything would change his mind at this point. She defends herself as best she can, although he has not given her all the information about what his claims are, or how he has come to them. This is one of those moments in the play when we see that communication would have been vital, and could have caused everything to be cleared up in an instant. But Othello chooses to hold fast to his forming opinions, and her protests fall on deaf ears.
4. He uses his anger against him, and turns it onto Cassio. This both serves to protect himself, and get someone else to deal with Cassio, so his hands can be "clean" persay.
5. I answered this one with an in-class essay, so I shall omit it. :)

Quotes:
Desdemona: "Wouldst thou do such a deed for all the world?"
Emilia: "The world's a huge thing. It is a great price for a small vice."

"Good night, good night. God me such uses send not to pick bad from bad, but by bad mend!"
- Desdemona

Class Thoughts VI

Class on Tuesday was pretty much amazing. Number one - we had class outside. What a beautiful day! It's so much easier to think outside, although the air conditioning unit (or whatever it was) made loud noises that caused me and Kayla to have difficulty hearing the quiet, timid girls/ladies speaking from the other side of the courtyard. Ms. Kolb was most gracious about repeating most of what they said though, so we got the general idea. I got a little bit pink from the sun, but it was so totally worth it. So totally.

Number two reason was that we discussed the 4th and 5th Acts of Othello, and had a wrap-up discussion about the whole play in general. I loved it, I truly did. It makes me eager to read more Shakespeare . . . especially in light of my discovery of the Spark Notes online.

Number three reason is that we, once again, divided into small discussion groups. I don't know about the rest of the class, but I get so much more out things when we do this. Maybe it's my home-school background, but it's really hard for me to take the effort to speak up in class. So my group got to discuss Emilia and Desdemona, and the ways they were different in their approach to life, men, marriage, etc. It was quite interesting.

Tomorrow is our in-class essay on Othello. I'm not really nervous - I generally do well with these type of things. However, I always have that fear that none of the prompts will inspire me and I'll get a tremendous writer's block, etc., etc. Which is just silly. Our research paper thesis is also due, which I am feeling grumpy about. I wish I could just sit in my room and read and write always. But life happens, and I haven't really had enough time to explore all the different topics I could write about. So. . . I'm picking the first one that inspired me, coming up with a very, very rough thesis, and turning it in with the knowledge that I'm going to have to come up with a pretty impressive paper to make up for that. ;)

Tomorrow I am hoping to, after class, post on Acts IV and V of Othello. Time has been scarce lately, but tomorrow afternoon (and Friday actually) are relatively un-busy, so I shall prioritize accordingly.

Toodles.

"Othello" - William Shakespeare (Act III)

ACT III

1. Iago is the master of planting seeds of doubt. Truly, what he leaves unsaid is much more influential on Othello than the things he says. Othello seems to be far to trusting, and guilible. We know that his love for Desdemona is great - and great jealousy often accompanies great love. It is quite strange however, that Othello is so quick to doubt and distrust Cassio, and his own wife . . . and yet he never stops to question Iago's loyalty. Perhaps this is because, in both the case of Cassio and of his wife, he had doubts to begin with. Iago shares in the opening scene that many people of note were unsure about Othello's choice of Cassio, feeling that he had only book learning rather than actual experience. Maybe this caused Othello to lose some of his confidence in Cassio, and made him open to doubts. The same with his wife - Othello probably felt the pressure of disapproval of Desdemona's father, and of society in general, regarding the marraige of a black man to a white woman. While he knew he loved Desdemona, their unique situation may have caused Iago's whispered doubts to grow into fruitition far sooner than they would have otherwise.

2. As we can see at the end of the play, Emilia is quite unaware of her husbands plot. We have already seen his unkind and disrespectful treatment of her, and hear in this Act of her cynical view of men, and marriage in general. These two things combined can't make for a happy marriage, or good relationship between them. So, it is plausible that she simply has no idea why her husband would want the handkerchief. However, two other ideas present themselves to me. One is that, while she may be aware of how evil his intentions are, she is afraid of him and what he might do to her, so afraid that she fails to tell her mistress of what she has done in giving the handkerchief to him. The second idea that I had was that perhaps, despite all her bitterness, she may love Iago, in a twisted sort of way. Often, we see women who are abused be defensive and protective of the very husband or boyfriend who is abusing them. Emilia may cherish this same type of blind devotion to Iago, desperate to do anything she can to win his love in return. And yet, she seems to, at the same time, despise this apparent need and desire for her husband's affection, especially since she is never fulfilled.

Favorite Quotes:

"By heaven, thou echo-st me, as if there were some monster in thy thought too hideous to be shown. Thou dost mean something. If thou dost love me, show me thy thought." - Othello

"It were not for your quiet nor your good, nor for my manhood, honesty, and wisdom, to let you know my thoughts." - Iago

Othello: "By heaven, I'll know thy thoughts."
Iago: "You cannot, if my heart were in your hand, nor shall not, whilst 'tis in my custody."

"I should be wise, for honesty's a fool and loses that it works for." - Iago

"'Tis not a year or two shows us a man. They are all but stomachs, and we all but food; they eat us hungrily, and when they are full they belch us. " -Emilia

"But jealous souls will not be answered so; they are not ever jealous for the cause, but jealous for they're jealous. It is a monster begot upon itself, born upon itself." - Emilia

"Othello" - William Shakespeare (Acts I & II)

ACT I

1. Othello is obviously very well respected among the people and authorities of Venice. The little we hear of Iago telling Roderigo about him gives us, if anything, a negative view of him. But when he gets a chance to tell us for himself, we hear a different story. Othello tells Iago that the services he has done for the government of Venice far outweigh any problem he could cause. We find more proof of this when he is brought before the Duke to plead his case against Brabantio.
2. For one, just the idea that she did it in secret angered him. Especially since she is his only daughter, her marriage was probably something he wanted to be a part of. Also, it sounds as though there were many other men interested in her, men that he considered more worthy. We also can see that prejudice against Othello because he is a Moor. Iago and Roderigo, when telling Brabantio what has happened, make a point of contrasting Othello and Desdemona when it comes to the color of their skin. So, although Othello is a man highly respected and high up in Venetian military/government, that doesn't necessarily translate into societal workings as well.
3. He has a very cynical view of human nature. It seems that he believes all humans operate like he himself does – purely for his own purposes, doing anything he can to better himself. His comparisons to animals give us a glimpse of his “ruled by instinct” perspective. We can see that, because he thinks this, he lives his life in such a manner, always looking for ways to use those around him to push his way to the top.
4. The first reason given is simple (perhaps too simple) – Othello passed him over as choice for a lieutenant, picking Cassio instead. He later adds that it is rumored Othello has slept with his (Iago's) wife, but this doesn't seem to be that important to him – it seems to be just one more reason, and he doesn't care if it's true or not. However, I think it's just because Iago must be thoroughly a villian, through and through. If he had a good reason to hate Othello, then we might feel some sympathy for him. The fact that Shakespeare doesn't give him proper motivation only causes us, the readers (or watchers), to hate Iago even more.
5. He says that she fell in love with his stories of war and the hardships he had faced in life. “She loved me for the dangers I had passed, and I loved her that she did pity them.” He must be a good story-teller – after only hearing him tell about his stories, the Duke states that his own daughter would have fallen in love as well.
6. Well, now that I've read the whole thing, I know that it's inaccurate. However, as we discussed in class, Brabantio planted a seed of doubt in Othello's mind that was heavily watered and cared for by Iago and his deceit.
7. He promises him Desdemona's love, something that we can see isn't very unrealistic. But Roderigo is so blinded by his own love for Desdemona that he will believe nearly anything in order to win her. I, iii, 368-371 show us Iago's true feelings. He thinks Roderigo a fool, and is only spending time with him so that he can use him to get at Othello.
   

Favorite Quotes from ACT I:
“Were it my cue to fight, I should have known it without a prompter.” - Othello
“She wished she had not heard it, yet she wished that heaven had made her such a man. She thanked me, and bade me, if I had a friend that loved her, I should but teach him how to tell my story, and that would woo her. Upon this hint I spake. She loved me for the dangers I had passed, and I loved her that she did pity them.” - Othello
“For when my outward action doth demonstrate the native (innate) act and figure (intent) of my heart in compliment extern, 'tis not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at. I am not what I am.” - Roderigo
“Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them. Good signor, you shall more command with years than with your weapons.” - Othello
“I here do give thee that with all my heart which, but thou hast already, with all my heart I would keep from thee.” - Brabantio

ACT II

1. The governor of Cyprus calls Othello a “full (or perfect) soldier,” “brave,” and “warlike.” They seem very eager for him to make it in to port safely. It causes us to think of him much more highly, for these men from a different country revere him so.
2. Iago is incredibly cruel to his wife, and in public no less. First, he accuses her of being a chatterbox. Then, he says that, while she may clean up well when they are around other, she is a truly awful person in private, even going so far to as accuse her of being unfaithful. As he goes on, we can see that his negative impressions extend to all women – frankly, he is a woman-hater, through and through. Emilia hardly defends herself either. Desdemona however, as we saw earlier, is able to hold her own among men, and argues with him quite eloquently. And, as he told us at the end of ACT I, Iago has no basis for his suspicions of Emilia except rumors. He believes them to be true simply because they give him yet another reason to hate Othello.
3. Iago must be very smooth with his words. We can see him often professing his love to Othello, but because we know all of his behind-the-scene plotting, we can obviously see that he is lying. However, we must remember that Othello knows nothing of his schemes. Othello also seems to have a weakness for praise and flattery. His is very proud, and used to those around him revering him. You'd think that someone as high profile as him would be wise to watch his back – apparently not.
4. It gives them a chance to get Cassio drunk, and therefore discredit him entirely in Othello's eyes. When they are pretty much given permission to do however they please that evening, it is inevitable that Iago will take full advantage of it.
   

Favorite Quotes from ACT II:

“Sir, would she give you so much of her lips as of her tongue she oft bestows on me, you would have enough.” - Iago
“I am not merry, but I do beguile the thing I am by seeming otherwise.” -Desdemona
“He takes her by the palm. Ay, well said, whisper. With as little a web as this will I ensare as great a fly as Cassio.” - Iago
“It gives me wonder as great as my content to see you here before me. O my soul's joy, if after every tempest come such calms, maybe the winds blow till they have wakened death. . ." -Othello
“I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking. I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.” - Cassio
“O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial. My reputation Iago, my reputation!” -Cassio

Class Thoughts V

I am tremendously behind on this journal, so I shall try to catch everything up to date.

Thursday, Ms. Kolb braved her headache and sinus pressure to come to class. We broke up into small groups and each discussed one of the assigned additional readings. Unfortunately, no one in my group had read any of the 5. I hate it when people don't do their assignments. I guess I understand that being busy just makes it hard to fit everything in - however, I just don't see why anyone would choose math, or chemistry homework over reading! Reading doesn't even really count as homework. Oh well, I digress. So anyways, because no one had read any of them, we picked a fairly short one (Araby) and they read it in class. I sat and mulled over the thought that this was the short story on the list that I had liked the least. However, I did enjoy looking over the discussion questions Ms. Kolb had given us, for the other stories.

Once they had all finished reading, we "discussed" the story - mostly, just agreeing about the fact that none of us cared for it. One of the themes of Araby seems to be disappointment - and because of that, the entire story is very anti-climactic. It leaves us feeling as though we've wasted our time - and maybe that is how we are supposed to feel. . . . much the same way the main character felt, after leaving the bazaar. He probably realized how much time, energy, and emotion he had spent on this crush, only to see that it wasn't all he dreamed it was.

I did appreciate the smaller group discussion format though. I must admit that I am just terrible about speaking up during whole-class discussions. I always have been, and most of it is because of my natural shyness and timidity. But in a smaller group, it's a lot easier to gauge the response to everything you say, and to bounce ideas and thoughts off of each other. Maybe this small group mentality comes from being home schooled, I don't know. :) But I felt that to be a very productive class.

This week, both Tuesday and today, we have been tackling Shakespeare! Oh joy! I do love Shakespeare. As part of my British Lit in high school, I read many of his plays. And although I didn't analyze them nearly as much as we are in this class, it was quite enjoyable.

Tuesday we discussed and watched Act I of Othello. Today, we went through Acts II & III. We are also watching through a movie version of it, which is really helpful when it comes to visualizing everything. To be honest, without the movie, I have a hard time visualizing at all - especially when it comes to thinking of Othello as a black man. Don't ask me why - maybe it's because "Moor" isn't a modern-day way to describe African-Americans. But anyways, I do appreciate going through the movie as well (although why they feel the need to add on in areas of what Dad calls "raunchiness" is beyond me).

But oh, what great language, and what an incredible story! Shakespeare is always better when you don't know the story going into it. Reading Romeo and Juliet last year in high school was interesting. . .but not nearly as captivating, because I already knew the end result. But Othello has been entirely new to me. After class today, I went to the park and finished reading through the last two acts, simply because I wanted to find out what happened.

The version in our textbook has all sorts of footnotes - I can't decided whether or not I like them. Sometimes, I read through a passage, then go back and look at the footnotes. But in general, I find them terribly distracting. Some seem quite unnecessary too - defining words that are simply used a little differently than usual. However, I feel as though I might be missing something if I don't read all the footnotes! Sigh. Well I do appreciate them for the most part - they are often terribly helpful. In fact, I was able to grasp the action of the entire play in simply my reading, not needing to use Sparknotes. Although, I did go through the Sparknotes for each Act, just to make sure I hadn't missed any little details.

Tomorrow, I will most definitely write more on Othello, as a reading assignment.

"The Things They Carried" - Tim O'Brien

This was a remarkable story. Anytime I read about war, it always makes me so grateful to live in America, shielded from any real contact with violence and pain. The soldiers that were in Vietnam were amazing men - to go through all the horrors they faced takes a lot of good, old-fashioned guts. But they did it, and many of them even lived through it.

This story gave a very different way of looking at the war, and the soldiers specifically. By considering the "things they carried," we can learn so much about each man as an individual, and also the more general impressions of what being a soldier is like.

As far as writing style, this is actually similar to Joyce's story - the way dialogue is dealt with, etc. But this is so much more interesting! The quick changes from serious action to a simple listing and describing of the weapons they carry is very effective. Those breaks between the story do not lose our attention, but actually capture it more. I find it all very well written.

Some favorite quotes:

"They were not love letters, but Lieutenant Cross was hoping, so he kept them folded in plastic at the bottom of his rucksack."

"He carried a strobe light, and the responsibility for the lives of his men."

"The typical load was 25 rounds. But Ted Lavendar, who was scared, carried 34 rounds. . . "

"They carried all they could bear, and then some, including a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried."

"Vaguely, he was aware of how quiet the day was, the sullen paddies, yet he could not bring himself to worry about matters of security. He was beyond that. He was just a kid at war, in love. he was twenty-four years old. He couldn't help it."

"They shared the weight of memory. They took up what the other could no longer bear. Often, they carried each other, the wounded or weak."

". . . and for all the ambiguities of Vietnam, all the mysteries and unknowns, there was at least the single abiding certainity that they would never be at a loss for things to carry."

"After a moment Norman Bowker sat up in the dark. What the hell, he said. You want to talk, talk. Tell it to me. Forget it. No, man, go on. One thing I hate, it's a silent Indian."

"There were numerous such poses. Some carried themselves with a sort of wistful resignation, others with pride or stiff soldierly discipline or good humor or macho zeal. They were afraid of dying but were even more afraid to show it."

"It was very sad, he thought. The things men carried inside. The things men did or felt they had to do."

"He might just shrug and say, Carry on, and then they would saddle up and form into a column and move out toward the villages west of Than Khe."

This final sentence is not only talking about the group of soldiers, and where they will go physically in the coming weeks. It also refers to Lt. Cross, and what he is going to have to do the rest of his life - tell himself to "Carry on" and continue to move away from Than Khe. This burden is one he will carry for the rest of his life.

"Araby" - James Joyce

First Impression - I didn't really care for this story. It was kind of dry, kind of boring, and kind of pointless. Of course, I read it late at night and was terribly sleep deprived. . . I normally don't enjoy short stories when I do that.
So, good student that I am, I just re-read the story and I still didn't like it much. The way Joyce does dialogue is reminiscient of Hemingway, in "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" -- very choppy, and hard to follow. He doesn't use quotation marks, but indents the spoken words with a dash before them - not typical, and therefore hard to recognize at first. Also, much of the dialogue we don't actually "hear," and the narrator just tells us about it. It made all the characters (except perhaps the girl) seem rather blah and dry.
It's kind of a nice story, but like I said before, pointless. The boy wants to get a gift for his crush, but makes it to the bazaar too late. Either he does not have enough money, or simply can't bring himself to actually buy something, but he goes back home empty handed. It's not much of a plot. I honestly didn't enjoy this story in the least.

Class Thoughts IV

Nothing to report from Tuesday - Ms. Kolb was sick, and so we simply turned in our essays and had the afternoon off. I took the opportunity to catch up on my reading. Not as interesting as a class discussion, but nice to be able to finish homework without taking any unplanned time. :)

Paper One - First Draft

(This is not only a "first" draft, but also a very rough draft. :)

Opportunity

Nearly every person on this earth holds a prejudice against another type of person. Whether it is an obvious and cruel one, like racism or sexism, or simply a subconscious dislike of a certain group of people, these preconceived notions and beliefs effect everyone. While perhaps simply feeling uncomfortable around a certain type of person may not be wrong, every person who has a prejudice will some day come face-to-face with a situation that challenges that feeling. He will have to either overcome his discomfort and dislike, and in doing so grow to become a better person – or he will act upon his bias, becoming more deeply entrenched in his way of thinking, and most likely hurting the other person. In the short story “Cathedral” by Raymond Carver, the narrator is presented with one such opportunity, and undergoes the beginnings of a remarkable transformation for the better because of it.
The narrator begins the story by revealing his apparent dislike for blind people, particularly this visiting friend of his wife's. The first reason for this is readily seen, and even somewhat excusable – ignorance. He quickly admits that his idea of blind people comes primarily from the movies, and even goes so far as to describe the stereotype he has formed: “In the movies, the blind moved slowly and never laughed. Sometimes they were led by seeing-eye dogs” (Carver 56). This shows that he has never taken the time, or perhaps never had the opportunity, to personally know a blind person – a fact he confirms when he first meets Robert, the blind man who comes to his house. His initial impressions are those one would have with any man, but he soon slips back into his stereotypes, expressing surprise that Robert didn't use a cane or have dark glasses on (60). This kind of ignorance can, in some cases, be excused as a legitimate reason to be prejudiced against someone. However, the fact that Robert has been friends with the narrator's wife for over 10 years, and the narrator has never taken the time to find out more about him or his handicap shows that he has chosen to hold onto this particular prejudice, and to remain ignorant.
A second reason for his dislike of Robert (or “this blind man” as he calls him) is jealousy. As the narrator shares about the close relationship his wife has with Robert, it is hinted at that he himself does not have this closeness with her. Robert has known her for longer than he has, and she seems to share every part of her life with him, the good and the bad. As her second husband, the narrator seems to resent this intimacy, and may even feel that this friendship has caused her to never fully give herself to their marriage or to him. When she and Robert are catching up on life in their living room, he listens “in vain” for his own name to come up, and for her to share about their life together (61). However, although he seems jealous of Robert, the narrator's disinterest in learning more about him shows that his jealousy is two-fold. Not only is he envious of the blind man's intimacy with his wife, but he is also jealous that his wife has someone she can share sher life with. She herself says that he, the narrator, doesn't have any friends (58). As the story goes on, his loneliness becomes apparent when he admits that he doesn't mind Robert staying up with him: “'I'm glad for the company.' And I guess I was. Every night I smoked dope and stayed up as long as I could before I fell asleep. My wife and I hardly ever went to bed at the same time” (63, 64). He is jealous of the fact that both his wife and Robert have discovered this secret to relationships and intimacy with another human, something he doesn't have. Unfortunately, rather than pursuing this sort of bond with his wife, or with Robert, he becomes defensive and responds by creating a barrier between him and Robert, using Robert's blindness as an excuse for his dislike.
But midway through the story, the narrator begins to change. It is subtle at its start – the first indication that he understands Robert's perspective comes when his wife is describing the deceased wife, Beulah. The narrator states, “I felt sorry for the blind man for a little bit” (58). But he quickly moves on to pity for the wife herself, the “normal” one. Then, the real transformation starts to occur. When his wife goes to sleep, the narrator is left alone with Robert. As they sit and watch the TV, he begins to try and describe what is being shown to his blind guest. When he starts talking about the cathedrals, he pauses. It is then that he realizes Robert might not even know what a cathedral is: “I stared hard at the shot of the cathedral on the TV. How could I even begin to describe it? But my life depended on it” (65). He suddenly gets a glimpse of how different the life the blind man leads is from his, and how insensitive he has been toward him. As he continues to describe the images on the TV, he starts to really care, trying his hardest to do a good job. When Robert requests that they draw the cathedral together, the narrator hardly hesitates. He, who only several hours before didn't even want “this blind man” in his house, now willingly sits down by his side. And once they start drawing, their hands interwoven, all else leaves as the narrator allows himself to be entirely immersed in the world of this blind man. He says, “It was like nothing else in my life up to now” (67). This experience of placing himself in someone else's shoes was a new one for him. Robert's patience in leading him to this place was finally rewarded, as he chooses to keep his eyes closed and savor the feeling of releasing his prejudice.
The narrator, in only the course of an afternoon and evening, changes his entire perspective about blind people, and Robert in particular. He is able to do this because he takes a step outside his own experiences and views, and takes the time to see things from another's point of view. That is really the key to overcoming prejudices – putting oneself in the other person's place. Allowing oneself to let go of all preconceived notions and think of the other person first. The blind man presents the narrator with a life-changing opportunity, and the narrator chooses to make a change for the better, by getting rid of his bigotry and learning to accept others.

Works Cited
Carver, Raymond. “Cathedral.” Backpack Literature. X.J. Kennedy and Dana Gioia. New York: Pearson Longman, 2008. 55-57.

"The Story of an Hour" - Kate Chopin

To be perfectly honest (which of course, I ought to be since this blog is simply my thoughts), this piece seemed to be very a stereotypical feminist piece. It mostly reiterates the idea that many women of that era felt trapped by their marriages, and the roles they were expected to play as a wife. Mrs. Mallard seemed very typical in this - she had married someone she did not care for, love (at least not most of the time), or respect. And yet, her greatest complaint is that he (her husband) has authority over her. . . she resents this, and even goes so far as to call it a crime. Because this is how she views things, she is obviously relieved and even over-joyed to hear of her husband's death. That she drops dead upon discovery that he was still alive was a bit melodramatic, but I guess it does add interest. :) It also goes to show just how trapped she felt in this life.

So I'm not entirely sure what I think about this whole mindset. I guess I don't see authority as a bad thing. While a husband should definitely never abuse any authority he has over his wife, for one person to be the leader of the relatioship is only natural. If we look around us, we can see that having people in authority over others is instinctive. It's the only way order in the world can be kept. But as I think about it, the complaint of Mrs. Mallard and feminism in general is not a complaint with authority - it's a complaint that the man is always the one who has authority. I guess I see this as something that is simply part of nature - men have always taken this role. As a Christian, I can see that it's part of how God designed men and women, biologically and emotionally. It doesn't in any way make men better - if anything, it simply highlights the unique differences of men and women, allowing both to be valued for their own strengths. Is there anything wrong with a women being in authority when we are talking about a relationship between a woman and a man? I think so - but don't have the words to justify that.

This was a lot of rambling. . . I'm sure that it will come up again, so I will leave my thoughts as is and add/edit later.

"Happy Endings" - Margaret Atwood

Wow. This was. . . incredibly interesting. I love the sarcasm - it's light enough to not be grating, or biting and yet strong enough to let us know what she really thinks. Her concluding sentences were really sharp, and to the point - I like that. I definitely agree with her claim - everything ends in death. Regardless of how you live your life, you are going to die. Life is just one event after another - however, she challenges us, "Now try How and Why." The story itself was a unique way of presenting this age old question - who are we? why are we on earth? do the things we do here really matter after death?

So many people claim to have the answers to these questions - and of course, they all think that they have the right answers. There are also those who just refuse to think about it, and go on not seriously taking into consideration that, one day, everything will be gone (or rather, they will be gone from everything). Is life truly what the waiter in "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" stated - "nada y nada y nada. . ."? Or is there something more to it than that?

Have you yourself ever thought about your life, and its meaning - or about death?

You should.

"Dead Men's Path" - Chinua Achebe

I didn't like this story when reading it through for the first time. There wasn't anything terribly interesting that grabbed me, or made me really want to continue reading. However, as I looked at it a little more, my interest was piqued slightly.

I've often wondered about this balance of the values of tradition vs. progress. Obviously, we need to pay close attention to both - but when they come head to head in a direct conflict, which would win out? In some cases, the "old ways of doing things" are so very important. The moment we start to forsake remembering our past, we will cease to improve our future. So in that sense, traditions and old ways can be incredibly useful. However, there are definitely times when "the way we've always done it" has lost any real meaning - it's simply become routine, and obsolete. In those cases, progress does need to happen, perhaps even at the expense of tradition.

Then we can look at progress itself. . . if the progress is truly designed to improve the lives of people, and help things to move forward, then it's normally a pretty good idea. But, when things start rolling, many times the excitement about "progress" causes people to become over-zealous, and begin changing things simply for the sake of changing them. The focus becomes change, not improvement. . . and in those cases, we are probably better off just sticking with the old ways (especially if they are effective).

I think nearly everyone would agree with these above claims and beliefs - and yet, the idea of balance is where things start turning grey. I'm probably unusual as a young person, in that I tend to err on the side of tradition, and keeping things the way they are.

I guess the most important thing to do in these type of struggles is to know yourself. You must be constantly evaluating your motives, and allowing your mind to be open to what others think.

"The Yellow Wallpaper" - Charlotte Perkins Gilman

I read this story for the first time late at night, and had a very hard time following it. Maybe it was the lateness of the hour, but something about it just rubbed me wrong. I enjoyed it at the beginning, and was looking forward to the development of her character, and was waiting expectantly for the plot to unfold. I think I might have missed something - maybe I will figure out what it is when we discuss this in class tomorrow. But it seemed to me like there could have been more of a story about the whole thing - to have her simply go crazy because of the yellow wallpaper was somewhat bland, and predictable.

So I leaving my opinion, and this post, open to whatever changes might occur from our discussion tomorrow.

New thoughts:
So things did get a little more interesting. I had suspected this, but our discussion in class confirmed that she probably hanged herself at the very end of the story. While this certainly is a terrible and morbid thing for me to be excited about . . .I am. It gives the story a whole new purpose. As she felt herself trapped behind the wallpaper, seeing herself as the "woman" who crept about along the wall, thinking about how the finality of her death was the only way she felt she could be "set free" is sobering.

Mental illness is something that no one likes to talk about or have to deal with. Thankfully, in today's world, we do a better job of it then they seem to have done back then. People are treated for chemical and biological disorders, and there is plenty of other help for emotional problems people may face.

However, I think that, especially among Christians, there is still a reluctance to discuss depression and other mental illnesses. It's almost as if we all feel we must keep up appearances - our society trains us to care so much about what those around us think of us. This is seen in "The Yellow Wallpaper" as her husband and brother push aside her concerns, convincing themselves and those around them that it's simply nerves, something easily dealt with. Obviously, this method didn't exactly work - it resulted in her feeling incredibly trapped and unloved, ultimately culminating in her suicide. So how are we to respond when those we love succumb to depression or another mental disorder?

I don't know the answer to that. :) But I suspect that compassion is a big part of it. Also, the patience to listen and genuinely care about the one who is suffering, not simply brushing things aside. Perhaps we also should be careful to not be condescending or haughty towards them, but allow them the "freedom" to still think and participate in society. But how to balance that with caring for and helping them about it a mystery to me. . .

"Harrison Bergeron" - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

This was a strange story, but I liked it. The author did a crazy good job of giving a sharp, distinct image of this entire "special little snowflake" mentality our society is trying to cultivate. It's the idea that we all must be brought down so that we are equal to one another, and that we must understand no one person is better than another. The irony is interesting - by making a deliberate effort to "handicap" people, one essentially admits that some people are better than others. However, if we were to simply understand that our differences are what make us equal and really uncomparable, everyone would be more challenged to do well in their own unique area of strength.

I thought it very strange that Harrison himself was so un-likable. I mean, his whole "I am the Emperor. . ." thing was very distasteful - it almost made you glad when he was shot down. I think the author could have done a better job making us more sympathetic to Harrison. His arrogance was just grating - why couldn't he have been a little more humble, and little more confident in some ability he had, rather than just being selfish. That was it - I felt he was more arrogant than confident. I had to really consciously remember that I'm supposed to be thinking "How unfair" when the lady shot him - and recall that she was the bad guy, shooting him because of his individuality, not his annoy-ness.

But yes, other than that - I thought it an excellent story. Hazel and George were such vivid characters. One could almost see them as a very extreme version of people we ourselves know. The whole story made me reminiscent of my speech on the "Teenager Syndrome."

"A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" - Ernest Hemingway

I liked this story. The writing style was very hard to get into - but after reading it through the second time, it realy grew on me. However, I loved the theme of the story itself after only to first time reading it! In our class discussion, everyone was pretty negative about the younger waiter - I really understood him though. He was rude, but haven't we all had moments like that? When our present desires supercede our care for others? Actually - don't we all live like that, for the most part? I guess I was reluctant to judge him, since I know that I live the same way.

1. He's lonely. He dreads the thought of lying awake at night with no one to talk to. And he hates knowing that, when he wakes up in the morning, there still won't be anyone. The cafe represents something, in contrast to the nada he repeated - it's a place that they can both feel they have people who care about them, and something to cling to, and call their own.

We also talked about the strangeness of slipping into Spanish at times - and one thing I thought, but failed to actually speak up and say in class was that often, when someone is bilingual, one of the languages is the one that more clearly expresses things important, or especially emotional. So not only does the use of this foreign language draw our attention to what's being said, it may indicate that what's being said is something the speaker feels strongly about, or something that's coming straight from their heart.

"Some lived in it and never felt it, but he knew it all was nada y pues nada y nada y pues nada."

Is there really anyone who lives in this "nothingness" and never feels it? I believe we all have moments when life feels like nothing - when we ourselves feel like nothing. However, even for those who don't have the comfort that religion, God, or more specifically, a Christian life and personal relationship with Christ might offer, there is always still something or someone to put their hope in. There is always a bright spot, a "clean, well-lighted place" that they can turn to when life gets hard.

Class Thoughts III

It is so strange to think that we've only had 3 classes so far this semester. The snow set us back a lot. Anyways. . .

Yesterday in class we discussed Tone and Style, Theme, and Symbol. I thought it really interesting how she broke down the different types of irony - I've never really heard them all defined quite so well before. Ms. Kolb seemed to be terribly excited about the idea of Symbol in literature - to be honest, I've never really cared for it. The process of finding and interpreting Symbols has always made me wonder - are we reading into the story what the author really, actually meant? Or are we just making up things that make sense to us? Of course. . .I suppose both can be okay. I mean, authors don't write purely so that their own ideas, thoughts, and opinions are clearly known and ingrained in the minds of their readers. There is a certain extent of literature that is very, very subjective. So I guess I will just have to learn to appreciate all that Symbol stuff, and for now. . . trust that Ms. Kolb knows what she's talking about.

We also laid out a rough plan for the next few classes. I realized that I am such a child in many ways - I still love being told exactly what to do, and thrive on deadlines. I suppose I shall have to work on that when I head off to "real" college this fall. But for now - thanks for the planning ahead Ms. Kolb!

learned: minimalists are writers who write in a flat, laid-back, unemotional tone, and with a bare and unadorned style

"Cathedral" - Raymond Carver

2. She was herself tired, and didn't want to be left out of a conversation between Robert and her husband. She probably was uncertain or afraid of what they would talk about - either that her husband would hurt, offend, or be angry at Robert, or that Robert would press his advantage and play up his relationship with her. She wanted to be there to control the conversation. He was uncomfortable with Robert, since he didn't really know him. Robert's response however, caused him to see that Robert wasn't simply his wife's friend, but someone who desired a relationship with him as well. That was a pretty big turning point in his view of blind people.

3. He realizes that Robert can't see it. He starts becoming aware of Robert and his point of view.

7. The wife and Robert are both pretty flat. She is there only to set the scene for the situation. And with Robert, we get the feeling or sense that he has already reached a level of understanding and maturity that our narrator is going to start to reach as well. Robert doesn't really change though.

"A Rose for Emily" - William Faulkner

1. It shows us that she has lain by this man even recently, it wasn't just a one time thing, and then she locked up the room.

4. Since I read this very briefly, during class, I had no idea the end was coming and was totally shocked - I had missed most of the foreshadowing. I guess that's what happens when you skim a story. But as I went back and read it later, the faoreshadowing really caused me to wonder what the outcome would be. They point towards something, but it's something that is so strange, you keep hoping there's some different explanation.

6. They are very different - she is from an old, Southern family, who values honor and regality and being "proper" very highly. He is an uncouth, Northern man, who isn't afraid to swear and cause some trouble. Faulkner makes commentary on the result of trying to combine these two worlds, and especially gives us a good sense of what the townspeople thought about it.

Class Thoughts II

We had class this Tuesday, after having two days off for snow. I had kind of wondered at the fact that we didn't get anything about extra, "make-up" work to do during the week. . .but busyness caught up and I didn't ever get around to e-mailing my teacher and asking her about it.

Needless to say, I was quite surprised when she asked at the beginning of class whether everyone had done the assignments she e-mailed out. :) Thankfully, it all worked out okay and I was able to at least follow the discussion about the two stories we had been assigned.

We also discussed "Plot, " "Short Story," "Point of View," and "Character." I liked hearing the different ways an omniscient narrator can be displayed - Editorial Omniscience (with the ability to comment on people's thoughts), Impartial Omniscience (presents the thoughts of others without judging or commenting), Total Omniscience (being able to see into the minds of all the characters), and Limited or Selective Omniscience (having insight into a single character). I thought of the movie Forest Gump when we talked about an innocent or naive narrator - what makes that movie so interesting and powerful is that Forest really doesn't understand the implications of what he is telling us. A lot of what we discussed was review of things I'd learned in high school. . .but I can always use a brush-up! Ms. Kolb talked about things like flat and round characters, conflict, protaganist, anit-hero, antagonist, climax, foreshadowing, etc.


"If a writer is true to his character, they will give him his plot." - Phyllis Bottome

Snow Day!

I love my Comp Class - I really, truly do.

I love literature. I love reading. I love writing and answering analytical questions.

But I think that even Ms. Kolb will agree whole-heartedly (or at least part-heartedly) that snow days are Crazy Awesome!

So no "Class Thoughts" from the 27th. :)

"Descriptions"

"Give every guest a sheet of stationary with the name of some other guest written at the top. Instruct them to consider the person whose name they have and write a description of their appearance, talents, and abilities. At the end of five minutes the hostess should collect the papers and read the description, omitting the names at the top. As the papers are read, the guests try to judge who is being described. The author of the description that is most readily recognized receives the prize."
-excerpt from "Games for Young People: A Collection of Over One Hundred Games for Indoor Parties" by Alfred Froh and Margaret King, copyright 1943

I have quite enjoyed reading through this book for many reasons, the first of which being the quiant, old-school language and phrases it uses to detail the rules for each game. This one doesn't have many examples of that, but you can kind of get a sense of what I mean. Also, some of the games are pretty hilarious, and require the doing of things no self-respecting, 21st century person would do at a party (unless perhaps they were drunk). I also love the little things - the use of the word "stationary" rather than just paper, using "consider" and "judge" in ways we don't very often today, the use of the word "omitting" (I love that word for some reason), and the great alliteration at the end (the "r's" in bold).

"A & P" - John Updike

2. Sammy is very fully described and shown - having the story told from his own point of view helps with that tremendously. His little "asides" about girls, the A & P, the usual customers, etc. add a touch of humor that really help you get inside his mind, and see how he sees things. While a writer could have made him seem less the hero for wanting the girls to notice what he did, the writer does a good job of making us sympathize with this desire of his, and actually relate to it - I mean, who hasn't done something with the thought of being noticed in the back of their mind? Especially a young man, trying to impress a group of young girls. And yet, because he still chooses to do the right thing, even though they don't notice him, we see that he is still truly the hero. He is portrayed much more fully than the doctor in "Godfather Death" - the story being in first person gives us great insight into who he is, whereas the doctor was described very briefly and impersonally.

3. The exposition is the entire part before he states "Now here comes the sad part . . ." It mostly describes the girls, sets the scene of the A & P for us, and gives us a good understanding of Sammy himself. Very valuable - if she had not been so fully described, we as readers may have had a hard time understanding why he chose to quit his job over this incident. But because the author gives us this description of what Sammy thinks of her, we can see his motivation.

5. The dramatic conflict becomes apparent when he says, "Then everybody's luck begins to run out," and the manager enters the scene. The crisis comes at the moment the manager challenges the girls about wearing their swimsuits. And the climax occurs when the manager tells him that he doesn't want to do this to his parents - at which point Sammy punches the No Sale tab and walks out the door.

6. On the surface, we see that Sammy quits because of the way Lengel treated the girls. But, because of his description of Lengel, we get the impression that this isn't a one-time, isolated incident and that maybe there is a deeper reason. We can see that he already has some sort of tension between him and Lengel, and that this was just the turning point when he finally decided to do something about it. Well . . . it's either that, or the fact that he is just tired of the monotony of his job, and ready to move on in life - and this incident gives him a reason, or excuse, to do so. I can't decide which it is. :)

8. Sammy is going to have a lot to deal with because of this. For one, he is 19 years old and out of a job. Also, Lengel indicated that his parents wouldn't be pleaseed with his decision (whether just because of disappointment, or for financial reasons, we don't really know). Mostly though, we see that he has truly become a man, and entered the adult world. From here on out, he will face this kind of "moral dilema," and in each one will again have to decide whether to follow his conscience and do the right thing, or to ignore it and do the easy thing. To be aware of this is what maturity is all about, but it's definitely not going to make his life any easier.


I'm not sure whether I really like this story. I definitely like the story itself, but the telling of it was a little hard to follow. Because Sammy is narrating, some of his random thoughts that get thrown in make it hard to focus on what's really happening. But . . . as these random thoughts and his strange way of saying things add to and develop his character, I guess I can't complain. The word that best describes(or at least the one I think that best describes) this story and it's style is "casual."

Class Thoughts

I doodled 3 neat pictures while Ms. Kolb reviewed the basic MLA style formatting. (I'm going to feel incredibly stupid if I mess that up on one of my papers, after just admitting I wasn't paying much attention.)

I got my book from Camie (!!) and tried to quickly catch up on our reading assignment while Ms. Kolb took roll.

I loved the fact that Ms.Kolb had gone "quote happy" and put so many thought provoking quotes on the power point. I also very much enjoyed her sample essay, about how we ought to use global warming as a tourism opportunity. Nice one. . .

"We read to know we are not alone." - C.S. Lewis

Learned: to read in an active, not passive way. You often hear that in regards to writing, but never reading. Good insight!

"The North Wind and the Sun" - Aesop

1.) The wind is terribly impetuous, with it's forceful, gusty breaths. The sun however is wise and patient, thinking ahead to final outcome of his actions, rather than being stuck in the present.
2.) It was forceful - as in real life, when we try to persuade by force, it wasn't very effective
3.) The sun used warmth, or gentle persuasion - it took longer, but was more effective in the end.
4.) Just as an object they could test their boasts on.
5.) "Persuasion is better than force." - pretty self-explanatory. :) The sun used persuasion and patience, while the wind rushed ahead and tried to succeed by brute force. . . the sun's way was better.

Introduction

Yesterday was our first day of Spring Semester - I am taking English Composition II, and this assignment was on the sylabus for extra credit. Because this is my only class this semester, I don't anticipate needing extra credit . . . but I thought it sounded like a good idea anyways. Enjoy reading my thoughts and ramblings about Comp Class and the things I read these next few months!

P.S. Any typos on here are due to the fact that my laptop keys are sticking, and very little to do with me being unable to spell or type. :D